Πέμπτη, 6 Μαρτίου 2014

Blog no.9: Do disturb

Dear insomniacs,

  You know that feeling you get sometimes that renders you completely counter-productive and forces you into a never-ending cycle of procrastination? Yeah you do. Everyone does. That's what's been going on lately, so bare with me. I'm writing today because why the hell not, I have exams in a few days and this shall be my gateway to communicate with other human beings, even if I'm the only one who's doing the talking. Hey, that happens in real life as well. Not as fun when you are expecting a dialogue and end up rambling on to keep the awkwardness levels low. Anyway, let us begin fellow humans, shall we?
  Everybody around me is telling me I spend too much time on the computer. Is that right? You're damn right that's right. Am I sorry? Kinda. Can I do anything to change that? Glad you ask! I certainly can, but more importantly, I certainly won't. My best excuse is really plain: it's easy. It's easy to converse where nobody knows your name. It's easy to find people who share the same opinions as you, no matter how far off they might seem to the people near you. You see, I'm not just scrolling an endless array of cat pictures and "I bet you can't watch this without laughing" videos, I'm not stalking exes, I'm not wasting any time. I invest on the computer to catch up on things. I take part in meaningful conversations with strangers, I discover music I would otherwise not be able to discover, I educate myself with the most random pieces of trivia which will probably never come in handy in my life. And whenever real life rejects me, I find comfort in the digital hands of strangers. It's indeed sad when you think about a piece of machinery being there for you more than the people around you but unfortunately that's the way things are. I'm not blaming anyone for this though, it's not their fault my reflexes opt to answer "I'm okay" to anyone questioning my wellbeing because it would be too complicated to explain something you can't understand.
  Of course I'd love to be able to do all these things away from a computer screen. Who wouldn't want to share all these experiences with people that he can actually interact with? And on almost every opportunity I have, I step away and experience the real thing. When I'm sure that I will enjoy myself, I take every bit of time I have to rest my eyes. The thing is, I'm surrounded by people who don't like the same things I do. They don't like discussing, apparently. The few times I was able to discuss, and I mean really discuss with someone on a personal level, they found out that I'm not a wannabe metalhead who wears a piece of hardware for additional style points (talking about my white on-ear headset). And the reason I wear my white headset is because I'm almost better off listening to my music rather than having meaningless chit-chat with people who don't even know me. They don't like going for random walks to just sit somewhere and talk. The Parthenon has been sitting there since I came to Athens, as far as I'm concerned, and nobody even mentioned going there to relax and savour life. If you have ever seen the sunset from the view of Acropolis, you will hate yourself every time you miss it.
   You might say that I'm pretentious since I can go watch the sunset whenever I want. It's true, I can. Do I want to witness it by myself? Hell no. There are things you just can't experience alone. I've been alone this New Year's eve and I got to tell you, it's pretty ugly. It's stupid, of course New Years is just a day like any other but it wasn't that way for me. New Years has always been a day to celebrate with my family, with our card-playing and coin-sharing and gift-opening, even though these traditions faded as soon as we grew up. Never in my life had I felt so depressed, watching everyone in the square being with their loved ones, and me listening to "Bones" as the ball dropped for whatever reason and wondering what the hell I was thinking. A few beers and a failed pickup attempt later, I found myself promising to never to do this to myself again. So yeah, some things you either have to experience surrounded by people you love, or you don't have to experience them at all. I can watch the sunset by myself a few times and it's all gonna be alrightbut one day will come when I will realize I counted so many sunsets spent alone that I wouldn't want to do it again until I've found someone to share it with.
  In the end of the day, I don't ask for a lot. I'm not asking for money or fame (even though I wouldn't mind some, ofcourse). I'm not asking for new memories. The memories will come, whether or not I want them to. The real challenge here is finding people to share these with. Without good company, life is like a roadtrip without good music. Even though the nature is daunting, the view is impeccable, the air is refreshing...you won't be able to enjoy it.

Leaving you with not a quote from a movie, but instead the most accurate description of myself

"I like drinking coffee alone and reading alone. 
I like riding the bus alone and walking home alone. It gives me time to think 
and sets my mind free. I like eating alone and listening to music alone. But
when I see a mother with her child, a girl with her lover, or a friend
laughing with their best friend, I realize that even though I like being alone, 
I don't fancy being lonely."


Keep on keeping on,
Stelios Zesiades.

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