Dear hot-headed beings,
"How are you so calm?" is a question I've been asked numerous times, and up till a few months ago I wasn't able to give a clear answer. Is it the fact that I find arguing a nigh useless exercise to solve one's problems? Maybe because I can't be bothered to get upset by the small differences with each individual person that tries to have an argument. Or am I just too damn beta to stand my ground and claim my so called "pride" as a man? In reality, I found that getting angry at everything does fuck-all for your mental well-being, which is incredibly important at this day and age. With the job market plummeting and the general consensus for my generation's future being: "We're fucked", a person should not let small bothersome things get on his nerves, and should just let them go, however "beta" that might seem.
It's very difficult to swallow your pride and not talk back when someone wrongly calls you out, and even more difficult to not snap at someone when they're purposefully wronging you or taking you for granted. Mind me, backing off from arguments doesn't mean you should let people take advantage of you, it means to have the guts to not continue a meaningless argument and control your anger in a way where it helps you instead of consuming your brain from the inside. Approaching something with a clear head is the best way to go at it, really. Have conversations, not fights with people you disagree with. We all know that the first person who raises their voice usually loses the argument, no matter how right or wrong they were at the beginning.
It's not about being "zen" or whatever, it's about calculating your resources. I have only so much time to waste every day, and this way I can spend more time on things that actually matter (or, y'know, binge-watch Friends for the gazillionth time). That's not the point though, and time is not the only resource. I believe that you just can't afford to get mad that easily, since you tend to carry it through the day like every other feeling. When you're happy, everything seems a bit better. You won't mind a sudden storm, a late bus, or a fly following you around as if you fell in a septic tank. On the contrary, when you're mad you tend to get even more mad at the most insignificant things, like your coffee being too bitter or having to shower with cold water because the sun didn't feel like showing up today. Well, not being mad is half-way being happy, or at least sets you up for it. That's how I personally go about it, although I do occasionally snap and say the absolutely meanest things I can come up with, which is the other very real reason why I avoid fighting like the plague.
I know the importance of defending yourself and I'm all for it, but learning when it's worth it and when it's not is an art. Not a particularly creative art, nor a very dynamic one, but although it's rather binary in its nature, mastering it works wonders for your happiness, or at the very least your clear conscience and healthy mentality. Your happiness is highly dependant on yourself, but you have to work towards it and set yourself up for success. However, you don't have to be happy all the time, smiling, talkative, approachable; we're all humans after all , not puppies. You're definitely allowed to be mad at stuff, just don't hold onto them for very long. Be cool, calm, collected, and as my imaginary, animated, white-haired wife once said, "Let it go."
Your next-door-wannabe-anger-management-guru,
Stelios Zesiades
